


hang in there, baby

by rilla



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:02:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26843317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rilla/pseuds/rilla
Summary: Written for the Kisstober prompt 'upside down Spiderman kisses'.'“I don’t know what I was expecting when I asked you what your top fantasy is,” Web says, “but it wasn’t this."'
Relationships: Joseph Liebgott/David Kenyon Webster
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42
Collections: Band of Boyfriends Kisstober Challenge 2020





	hang in there, baby

“I don’t know what I was expecting when I asked you what your top fantasy is,” Web says, “but it wasn’t this. I was expecting maybe…” He narrows his eyes at Joe from the bottom of the stairs and then says, with some certainty: “Bondage.”

“It’s kind of bondage,” Joe says, “you know, with Spiderman’s webs. Huh. Webs. Guess I’m into them more than I thought.”

Web laughs like he doesn’t quite mean to, and then rolls his eyes, which feels a lot more normal. The two of them, they spend a lot of time rolling their eyes at each other. Web says a lot of lameass shit, but Joe’s starting to realise that he can’t entirely help having a personality that’s sometimes kind of shitty and stupid. It started to make a whole lot more sense when he met Web’s parents for the first time and his dad called him ‘Young man’ and his mom was looking at him like she was worried he might steal something. (Which he did, but only to spite her, and he gave it back to Web two weeks later. He just looked at the little china lady that had made its way into Joe’s backpack and said, “Why are you so _weird_?” before kissing him a lot. On the whole, it wasn’t their worst interaction.)

Of course, he didn’t meet Web’s parents on purpose. It was after a study session – a real study session – that ran long. They aren’t at that level yet, even though they’ve been dating forever. They’re at the level where Web comes over and eats dinner with Joe’s family on a regular basis, but that’s because Joe’s family is different from Web’s, in that his mom and his siblings aren’t assholes. Web doesn’t even have any brothers and sisters, which in Joe’s opinion is pretty obvious from the way he acts. By the time Joe and his siblings are done eating, Web’s only ever about three bites in, and he still looks personally hurt and upset every time he goes off rambling about some boring shit and gets interrupted. It doesn’t matter. He’ll get used to it. They’ve got used to a lot of the dumbass shit about each other. Web being okay with getting cut off sometimes is next on the list.

One of Joe’s biggest secrets is that he doesn’t actually mind Web’s boring shit. He doesn’t even find it especially boring. He likes it when Web gets enthusiastic about stuff, even when it’s stuff that he couldn’t give less of a shit about. He likes that he’s dating someone who’s smart in a way that’s different from the way he’s smart; he feels like that makes them a good team. When Web goes to Harvard after the summer and Joe gets a job in Boston and they get their apartment together the way they’ve planned it out, Web’s going to be the one who reads out all the instruction manuals and Joe’s going to be the one who gets everything set up. It’s like the way Web can’t seem to figure out how to back into a parking space and Joe got his license three days after turning seventeen. Different sorts of smart. It works out okay for them.

Today, Web isn’t being smart at all. In fact, Joe feels like he’s being a dumbass on purpose. “I just don’t feel,” Web says slowly, “as if gravity is on our side here.”

Joe huffs out a sigh at him. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Web, fine. Let’s forget this and pretend my fantasy’s bondage instead. Get your ass upstairs and let me tie you to something.”

“Why can’t I tie _you_ to something?” Web looks like he’s on the verge of pouting. Sometimes the urge to give him a wedgie and mess up his hair is almost overwhelming.

“You can tie me to whatever you want,” Joe promises, and Web looks triumphant. “But today, I want to try out the Spiderman kiss. You asked me! You said, Joe, what is your number one fantasy, and I said this.”

“I wish you’d said rimming,” Web mutters disconsolately.

“That ain’t a fantasy, baby, that’s real life.” Joe grins at him. “What about you, anyway? I mean, I’m starting to feel like you’ve got a thing for bondage, which is fine by me – I actually think on the scale of kink that’s kind of vanilla—”

“What do you know about kink? Where is this ‘scale of kink’ that you’re talking about?” Web says scornfully.

Joe makes a face at him, because they both know that in all honesty they know about as much as each other. The whole sex thing was something they discovered together – obviously Joe knew the basics of everything, obviously he’s watched some dirty, dirty fucked-up shit on his phone under his covers at night, but in terms of actually getting his mouth around a dick, Web was the first for pretty much everything. It’s for a few reasons, but mostly the fact that when they went into sophomore year, Web pinned a rainbow badge to his backpack and started carrying around a copy of _Leaves of Grass_ wherever he went. Joe had to google that shit to understand why it was a big deal, but then he understood it, and then he felt extremely weird every time he saw Web, and then he understood that too when they were paired up by a teacher to do a group project together and wound up with their hands in each other’s pants every time they spent thirty seconds alone. It took him a little longer to like Web’s personality as much as his dick, but he’s almost there now that they’ve been mostly dating for almost two years.

“I know everything about kinky shit,” he says. “Your mom taught me.”

Web’s laughing and spluttering at the same time, and then he says, “For the record, if you’d asked me that question, I would probably have said roleplay. It sounds fun.”

“Well, that’s what we’re doing now,” Joe points out, “in a way.”

“Or being shoved up against a wall,” Web says, and Joe finds himself temporarily silenced as he imagines doing just that. Web laughs victoriously, and then says, “So how are we going to do this? You’re going to be Spiderman, right?”

“Sure,” Joe says, although he doesn’t really care. He’s mostly picking that role because he’s less likely to kill Web if he falls on him than the other way around. He’s a big fan of Web’s ass, but that doesn’t mean he wants to have his neck broken by it. Web’s fancy house is really the only place they can try this out, because the entrance hall has a big sweeping staircase. Joe lives in an apartment, and he doesn’t want to know what his neighbours would say if he and his boyfriend practised Spiderman kissing in the stairwell. Right now Web’s parents are out all day, which means that they can make out wherever in the house they want. Next, Joe’s planning on giving him a handjob in the Jacuzzi, but he’s going to let that be a surprise. 

He leans experimentally over the banister. “All right, baby, get in place.” The ‘baby’ thing started as a joke, and then it stuck. The best thing about it is that Web goes determinedly pink if Joe accidentally calls him it in public. The worst thing about it is that it makes their friends say, “Awww,” and then if Babe’s around he gets pissy because he feels like he has ownership over every single version of that word. 

Web obediently stands beneath the banister. “Shouldn’t it be raining?”

“Shut the fuck up. What do you want me to do, flood out your house? I’d like to see your ma’s face.”

Web laughs. “Me too, actually.” 

Joe snickers, and then he starts to lean over the banister. It’s higher than he expected it to be, and as it turns out he isn’t really pretzel-like enough to be able to bend his body directly over it. 

“You have gone extremely red,” Web announces. “Scarlet. Crimson, some might say.”

Joe straightens up. “Web, I swear to God.”

“Why don’t you attach yourself to the banister?” Web suggests. “You could loop your belt over the top so you can hang over more.”

“Huh.” Joe considers it. “You think I’d die?”

“I mean, probably not,” Web says mildly. “But if you do, you have to make sure your ghost hangs around long enough to hear my eulogy. It’s going to be a work of art.”

“Nah,” Joe says. “Jesus Christ, I’ll be dead. I’ll have better things to do than listen to you talking. I do enough of that while I’m still alive.” 

“Good point,” Web says. They grin at each other, and Joe decides to take his advice. He loosens his belt and ties himself to the top banister, which is made of shiny dark wood. It feels solid enough, and anyway Joe knows he’s a skinny little asshole and that he doesn’t weigh much. Web likes to take advantage of that sometimes, and honestly, although he wouldn’t admit it aloud, Joe’s into it. 

The belt makes it easier. He can lean further over, he can put more of his weight on the balustrade. He almost reaches Web’s head, their hair catches against each other’s, he smells the familiar coconut of Web’s shampoo, and Web darts up to kiss Joe’s forehead. “Almost,” he says, sounding more enthusiastic now, and Joe says, “Sappy asshole,” and Web beams up at him. 

“You’re definitely going to kill yourself doing this,” Web says. He sounds like he’s starting to enjoy himself now that Joe’s in imminent danger of getting a head injury, which is typical of him. “Come on. Try again.”

Joe does so. This time he reaches down and grabs onto the front of Web’s shirt to angle himself right. He feels Web’s hand on the side of his face, feels one of his feet leave the ground, and then somehow they’re actually kissing for real, the goddamn Spiderman upside-down kiss. It isn’t ideal, because he kind of feels like he’s making out with Web’s stubbly chin, but that’s okay. He’s used to stubble burn anyway, because Web is a hairy werewolf bastard. One time he decided it’d be a great idea to shave off all his chest hair, and then the stubble came through in about a hundred little zits. Joe didn’t give him shit for it because he was so itchy and uncomfortable and miserable, and he honestly thinks he deserves a Nobel prize for his restraint. 

He also thinks that he deserves some kind of award for today. No movie magic, no tricking anyone around, just hanging by his belt from his boyfriend’s staircase and making out like a superhero. Web bites his top lip the way he usually bites his bottom lip, which feels weird, and Joe opens his mouth so they can get a little tongue action going there because why the hell not experiment a little, it isn’t often in life you’re upside down with someone hot willing to kiss you, and it’s then that the banister he’s leaning on makes a strange cracking noise.

The kiss ends abruptly. “Uh oh,” Joe says, and starts to wriggle back over, and then there’s another cracking noise and he finds himself plunging downward along with a whole lot of Web’s parents’ fancy staircase. He has a moment of sheer panic and terror that he’d never admit to, not even if anyone stuck needles down his fingernails, because he’s falling face-first towards a fancy granite floor and he doesn’t feel like seeing what his teeth would look like scattered over Mama Webster’s welcome mat. 

Somehow Web grabs him and they both fall onto the floor. Web takes the brunt of the fall, but Joe’s the one who has about a million pieces of broken wood raining down on his back. Somehow in the middle of the fall, his belt loop broke, which is good, because if it hadn’t he’d probably be impaling Web in the crotch with a broken balustrade. Their relationship’s pretty solid these days, but he isn’t certain it could survive that.

The dust settles around them. Beneath him, Web’s eyes are wide and he’s panting. “I think,” he said, “I think I broke my ass bone.”

“The ass doesn’t have any bones,” Joe says, “unless—”

“Please don’t say it,” Web begs him.

“—unless my boner is in your ass,” Joe finishes, unperturbed.

Web hangs his head and laughs at the same time, which is the exact reaction Joe was going for. Then Web squints past him and says, “My parents’ staircase is kind of screwed, huh?”

Joe slumps back onto the ground to survey it. Web has a point: the shiny dark wood balustrade has cracked and there’s a whole lot of splintered wood everywhere. He doesn’t know how much it’s going to cost to repair, but he does know it’s going to be a lot more than he can afford. “I think I’m gonna have to leave the country,” he says.

“Yeah.” Web’s eyes are on the debris. “Let’s move to Canada.”

“Fuck no,” Joe says. “We’re going to Mexico. You need to get a little sun on that broken ass of yours.”

“Six months a year in each country?” Web asks.

“Deal,” Joe says. They shake on it. 

Then Web gets to his feet and holds out a hand to Joe. “Come on, Spiderman. Now you get to help me clean up.”

*

It doesn’t take long to clean up all the broken wood and dust, but there is definitely still an enormous and loosely Joe-shaped jagged hole on the staircase. “Maybe I could put a blanket over it,” Web says, surveying it hopelessly.

Joe smacks him gently over the back of the head. “Are you kidding me? Use your Harvard sized brain here,” he says. 

“To what? Learn carpentry skills in the three hours before my parents get back?” Web asks. 

He’s got a point. Joe hates it when he has a point. He sighs at the staircase, resting an elbow on Web’s shoulder. “Can’t we just tell the truth? I mean, without the Spiderman shit.”

“You don’t want to tell my parents we were re-enacting a kiss from a movie made before we were even born?” Web says. “You don’t say.”

Joe shrugs. “Why don’t we just tell them that I leaned on it and went right through? Do your wide-eyed thing and say it’s the kind of thing I could sue you for. That’s gonna hit ’em where it hurts and make ’em sweat.”

Web turns and blinks at him. “You know, you might actually be right.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Joe says. “I know rich people. I know what you guys care about.”

Web looks slightly wounded. “Me included?”

Joe kisses his cheek. “You’re better than the rest, baby.”

Web laughs and wraps an arm around his back. “You wanna go and look at my ass bone?”

“I always wanna look at your ass bone,” Joe tells him. “That’s what love is.”

Web flushes a little and tries not to make a big deal out of the ‘l’ word, but Joe can tell he’s silently freaking out in a good way. It isn’t like the word ‘love’ is new to them. To Joe it isn’t a big deal at all – his mom tells him she loves him every day and he says it right back. His siblings say it too, and he even says it to his friends – not “I love you,” no big bullshit staring in each other’s eyes, but sometimes there’s a “Love ya, man,” when he talks to Babe on the phone, or when he isn’t going to see Skinny again for a couple days. 

But to Web, who lives in this huge empty house pretty much by himself sometimes, it is a big deal, and so Joe tries to use the word a lot, tries to sling it in conversation so Web stops looking like he’s about to cry every time he hears it. It seems like the kind of word that a guy should be used to hearing, especially a guy like Web, who’s a dipshit for sure, but he’s got a good fucking heart in that hairy chest of his and he deserves to feel like he’s loved, because he is. Joe wouldn’t be planning to move all the way across the country to Boston with him if he didn’t love the guy. It isn’t a complicated thing, although Web sometimes acts like it is, dissecting their relationship and talking about it way more than he needs to. To Joe, it’s simple: if he has a dumbass fantasy or idea, there isn’t anyone else he’d rather try it out with than Web, who’ll bitch and whine but ultimately humour him and catch him when he falls headfirst towards a granite floor. He wants to try out the whole of life with him. He thinks it sounds like a good way to live.

“All right then,” Web says. He takes Joe’s hand and starts tugging him upstairs to his room. “When can we try roleplay?”

“How about never?” Joe says as they pass the gigantic hole in the banister.

“No fair, Joe,” Web says, “I did your thing and it destroyed my house!”

“But it was fun, though, right?” Joe grins at him as Web shuts his bedroom door behind them.

“Yeah.” Web’s smiling back now, taking a step towards him. “I guess it was. I was thinking, how about I check you over for cuts and bruises? You took a pretty significant fall there.”

Joe stares at him. “Are you being a doctor?”

“Play along,” Web demands.

“Okay, okay, Jesus, fine.” Joe clears his throat. “Uh, yes. Unfortunately, my boyfriend’s billion dollar mansion is actually made of goddamn fuckin’ plywood and I almost fell on my face before his big beefy arms managed to catch me—”

“He sounds like a very attractive young man,” Web says, looking pleased.

“Ehh,” Joe says, and smirks. “He ain’t so bad.”

Web grins brighter then, the rare sort of smile that lights up his whole face. Joe doesn’t see that smile often, except for when it’s directed at him, and he feels lucky every damn time. “Doctor,” he says, “I feel faint. Come join me on the bed,” and throws himself down on there. 

“This is against hospital protocol,” Web says, lowering himself down over Joe to kiss him, and Joe says, “Fuck protocol,” and feels Web’s smile against his lips right as their mouths meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this piece of ridiculous fluff; it was so much fun to write! any comments are hugely appreciated, or come over to [tumblr](https://scroungingabilities.tumblr.com/) to say hi to me!


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